Love and Conversion

   I was reading scriptures with J #2 this morning and we were reading Alma chapter 20. I have always loved the People of Ammon and have received much from their story. Today though, I got something more that struck my soul. I knew instantly I wanted to share, interestingly the people I wanted to share it with was my Relief Society sisters. I'm not sure why but anyways here are my thoughts and I hope my sisters read.

   King Lamoni, a Lamanite king who governs over a portion of the Lamanite land is converted quickly. This was always fascinating to me considering his history. Each time going into this whole story I make a point to think about who these people are, what do we know about them? They have been taught for generations how they were cheated out of their inheritance, land, everything from the Nephites. They were taught to hate them. They were taught to fight, to steal, and to murder. The Lord calls them a blood thirsty people. I'm sure they were filled with anger, and pain and had very little trust or confidence in anything or anyone.
   
     With that being said it was amazing to me that King Lamoni had the experience he had and the dramatic change his people and him had. It gives me so much strength and hope. But the experience I had today was with his encounter with his father...

     Starting in verse eight they meet, and his father, the King of all the Lamanite Land, asks why he did not attend the feast he had prepared for his sons and people. You could imagine he was probably pretty offended. Then he asks him where he is going with this Nephite, one of the children of a liar.  Then Lamoni told him everything. He just told him his conversion story. Surely the Spirit was there. I believe Ammon and Lamoni felt it strongly and thought surely it could not be missed by Lamoni's father. Verse 13 says, that Lamoni was astonished that his father was angry. So angry that he rehearsed Nephite history and their present conspiracy to rob them of their lands. He then commanded Lamoni to slay Ammon and not continue their mission to free Ammon's brethren. Of course Lamoni refused but he refused with his testimony, which must have been so powerful.  Again his father felt nothing of the Spirit but was so furious that he drew his sword to kill his own son. Then Ammon stepped in.

     Ammon opened his mouth to defend King Lamoni. He testified of Lamoni's innocence and righteousness. King Lamoni's father heard this and agreed with Ammon but it just turned his anger to Ammon. After raising his sword to kill Ammon he received his own wound as his blow was defended. This put fear in him and he pleaded for his life. He offered up to half of his kingdom for his life. That there gives a little insight into the Lamanites, all they have is their life. Anyways, Ammon responds with his request to free his brethren and for Lamoni to keep his kingdom, receive no repercussions from this incident and to do as he pleases in his kingdom, otherwise Ammon would smite the Lamonite King to the earth.  What happened next is the miracle.

    After all the testimonies which had been born, the act of love is what broke the hardened heart, the bloodthirsty soul. King Lamoni's father, saw the great love Ammon had for his son and INSTANTLY all barriers were broken and he even was able to reflect upon the words that were spoken earlier. He could not feel the Spirit before but some how still having heard it the Spirit brought back those words to his remembrance and the Spirit that was there then made its way into his heart now. How again did this dramatic instantaneous thing happen? One moment he was raising his sword to kill these men and his heart was full of hate for the Nephites, and now he was asking them to return to him and teach him? Love, love did it.

   We recently heard a few things in conference of how when we have loved ones that have strayed from the gospel we need to just keep loving them. Sometimes it is all we can do. After this experience it didn't become, "just all I can do," it became, what I can do. How can I bring them back? I can love them! These beloved sisters that I visit teach, that I want so badly to feel the joy of conversion, how can I help them? I can love them. They must see it and feel it though.   Do we understand that LOVE can truly change a heart, can truly change a culture, a tradition, a whole people, it can break down prison walls? LOVE can do this. Our acts of true love.

Today I became a little more of the Kina my Heavenly Father wants me to be.

     

"First Observe, Then Serve" --a thank you

Here we are again. I had an experience yesterday that I want to remember and share.

      Eliot is almost 4 months old now and I think I can count on one hand the times I got brave and confident enough to go grocery shopping on my own with my now THREE boys. Yesterday was one of them. I had my two big boys (3 and 2) in the double ride along seat part of the cart and Eliot in my Moby wrap in front.

(This is basically my life, Eliot turned around though)

 

The shopping was great got everything I needed, except later I realized I forgot sour cream, which the husband is happy about I'm sure. Anyways... boys were great and they even got to pick out a sucker to buy with their quarter they earned. By the time we got to the check out stand we are tired. No matter what or how much I go in for it always ends up being a very long trip. I love WinCo. I think it is a great company but part of that great company is bagging your own groceries and well though the kids think it is fun it is the most stressful part of the trip.

 

This time though heaven sent an angel my way. You see I;m still trying to figure out the Moby wrap and well a lady checking out behind me came up and asked if I realized my baby was coming out the side. Well of course I hadn't and it gave me a "what if" panic. I told her I was still trying to figure it out and she gave me a quick few pointers, and told me she was proud of me for wearing it. She then asked if she could help me bag. Well since I was trying to help the boys with their suckers, fix Eliot, and bag I said YES. =) She then gave me a big smile and said good. When most were bagged and kids were under control she turned back to her groceries, in which I did not know, were still sitting on the belt behind us. She then came back and put away my last two items. At some point she told me she had 5 kids out in the car with her oldest. I expressed my gratitude and we departed.

 

As I pulled up to my van with the cart and opened the doors, a large SUV pulled up and out came this woman and her 15 year old son. She told me her son was here to load my groceries and she would show me how to work the Moby. I was a little shocked with her kindness. I felt so blessed.

 

Before she walked away in short conversation she told me she had 5 boys the youngest being 2 months old. She then shared with me a little about being a mom of five. They got back in their vehicle and drove off.

 

Not the end....The big boys were not buckled in yet and were asking for snacks so it took five or so minutes to talk to them and get them buckled in the rest of the way. When I finally sat down in the drivers seat, I saw that SUV drive off. I can't be sure but I think she waited until she knew I was leaving because you know all is not well until you are actually on your way =)

 

So many thoughts but the biggest one is THANK YOU. She was heaven sent. Not that it was a critical moment or even that I was having a hard time but she gave me so much more than help with my groceries or even with my Moby, which will help in the future. But she gave me sight into who I want to be and what I want to teach my children through example. I would be surprised if there wasn't at lest one complaint when she drove over to help me or after the kids thought they were finished then waited for five minutes for me to leave. But I also wouldn't be surprised if that women wasn't telling those boys what life was like for her and just teaching them of helping someone in need. I can hear her taking that opportunity to teach them about love and service and families even.

 

I am not usually in a position to help like she did but I hope that when I am I will take it head on. I hope that I will take as many opportunities that arise to teach my boys to keep their eyes, ears, and spirit open to the needs of others. To see a need and fulfill it. A motto I want to live by and how I view this meeting, "First observe, then Serve." - General Relief Society President, Linda Burton

 

I actually never even asked this woman her name but wherever you are, THANKYOU. Thank you for not only teaching and loving me but also for teaching and loving the next generation. 

The Motherly Instinct

            There are about a million mommy/ motherhood blog posts out there so I said hey why not. Actually though, the other week I was visiting with another mom and I had a mind altering, emotional epiphany. I really don't know if those are the right words and I hope I can share this  right because the whole thing was mostly just about me admitting something to myself and saying it out loud. When I said it to this other mom I was astonished but yet not really, that she had the same experience but of course played along like I did and everyone else.  I know, I know get on with it and just tell us what it is.

            How many times have you heard some one tell you, or seen in a movie, "you'll just know, the mommy instinct will kick in?" Or, "you'll learn to read their cries." I'm pretty sure that even in my birthing class and the videos I watched in the hospital at delivery said things like that. Yeah sure it gave me comfort and hope, well until the first thing came up that I had absolutely no idea what to do.

There are so many decisions out there to make for a growing developing human being. I felt like Every decision I made was life altering. I know that is a little extreme but well that's just how I am. I've been working on that with the help of my husband and I think I'm doing a lot better. Anyways, a decision like giving your baby a pacifier. There area lot of opinions out there, personal and medical. It's ok though I can just go with my motherly instinct and well I can even choose to just give it to them for certain cries....

I'M OPENING MY MOUTH and saying for myself and all other mothers out there that have just gone with the flow of agreement and not wanting to sound like something was wrong with them... "All my babies' cries sound the same! Of course there is the blood curdling pain scream but other than that, tired, hungry, sad, mad, just want to make noise, or hey get me out of this diaper all sounded the same! 

Also sometimes, most times, when I really needed to make a decision I just had to make a choice and hope for the best, without any gut feeling. I do believe in prayer and I do believe that we have a loving Heavenly Father that cares about even our smallest worries and will help us out with these decisions. I understand though that for our own growth sometimes we just have to make a choice see how it goes and make changes where needed or just keep going when it works. We were created with minds and hearts, to direct ourselves with both.

So there it is. It's ok to not know what to do and to not know what your baby needs. The thing my husband tells me which has truly been a turning point in my stress and over thinking is "he (child) will still grow up, go on a mission, get married in the temple and have eternal life." You may or may not understand the significance of that statement but simply put, those things are the most important essential things that I would have for my children. Whether or not he misses a nap, takes a binky, breastfeeds or all those other things that weigh on us, they will not change the outcome of the most important things in life.