This was written, but never posted, July 8, 2013 (Jarom age 2)
Do you remember playing "Hot Lava?" The game where the floor or ground is hot lava and you can't touch it so you have to figure out how to get around without touching the ground. I loved that game! So about a week or so ago my father-in-law put chemicals all over the back yard and we couldn't go out in it without shoes until it was all watered in. We had to explain it to Jarom and remind him several times why he couldn't go in some areas of the grass and such. Chemicals, chemicals, chemicals. Well today we were outside, barefoot. We were sitting down by this little portable slide just talking when all of a sudden he jumps onto the step of the slides and yells, "Chemicals!" I didn't get what he was saying at first so I had him repeat it. He frantically (in play) tells me chemicals and makes me get on the blanket. I quickly realized that he was playing "hot lava" but chemical style! It was so funny I quickly brought it to David and my mother-in-law's attention. So for the next 3o minutes we moved around the yard with the blanket and slide playing "don't touch the chemicals." I am amazed at Jarom's level of play and communication.
Jarom is getting older, and bigger, and smarter. It seems like every day is a new challenge to learn how to help him and teach him. It's a hard job but one that I love and take very seriously. Something that I learned from an influential woman in my life is that I must take an active and assertive role in my child's learning, especially spiritual development. Sometimes though I just don't know how. I don't know what the best way to do something is. Or one day I think I know and the next I feel clueless. What I do know though is that the children that are coming to earth in this generation are ready and eager to learn and are here for great purposes and we as parents can receive guidance from God on how to help them be prepared. To receive that guidance though we have to be that active and assertive parent. We have to pray earnestly and then do something with our answers. We have to be involved and informed and be willing to step in and speak up.
I say these things not because this is who I am but who I want to be. I want to look back and be able to say I did my best, not I did the best. Well it would be really nice to be able to say that but this is real life and how can I become Kina if I don't have challenges.
For anyone out there that reads this I want to give a challenge to you. When you see a parent taking their child to a doctor for something that seems petty, or asking a teacher questions about a primary lesson or school assignment don't give judgement that they are a paranoid parent give them the credit of being an involved parent wanting to learn and give their child the best. I understand that there are situations where parents are giving blame to teachers and such for work they should have done but that's not what I'm talking about. It's the ones that take their kids out of school to home school them and you look at them and start coming up with parenting flaws or paranoia. We give ourselves enough criticism and recognize plenty of our own daily flaws.
As each of us look at each other as each trying to become the best we can; the true people we were designed to become, we can focus on our own families growth rather than feeling embarrassed and inadequate.
In the morning I was playing "chemicals" with my two year old. In the evening that two year old was telling me, "mom when I older and older and older I get married in temple with girl."
Friday, May 15, 2015
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Parenting and Discipline- "Well a few months back in extreme emotion I quit."
I am a mother. I am Mom. Is this a mommy blog? Maybe, but I hope it is different than the others. I'm actually kind of tired of all the mommy blogs, but I think it is because for too long I have let guilt run my parenting and my life. What is the "and", parenting is my life. I love that though. I signed up for it and I believe it is my divine role and it will help me truly become the person I want to be.
With that said, let's talk parenting. How many parenting posts did you see today? So I am kinda weird and as a teenager it was a hobby of mine to read "parenting books." I loved Love and Logic. As I got older I continued to dig into all the methods of discipline and child rearing but things started to change when I had my first precious little baby. I remember reading a book that someone suggested to me to help infants get on to a good pattern or schedule. The first half of the book told me everything I was doing wrong. The more I read the more horrible I felt. I thought I was a great mom but now I thought I was destroying my child. Of course the second half of the book told you how to do everything right and makes you feel a little better. Well It seems that just about every book after that did the same thing. Worse yet most books didn't agree on which things were ruining your child and which ones were creating great human beings. Man it has been confusing trying to figure out which one is right and which one is right for each kid. So many conflicting ideas and even studies!
Well a few months back, in extreme emotion I quit. I decided I was never reading another parenting book. I was on my own and I was starting from scratch, erasing it all from my mind. I knew I wasn't completely alone. I have David and I have the greatest source of knowledge and the only perfect parent at my side, our Father in Heaven.
It was just a few days later that I had a sacred experience. In that experience I received revelation on the Lord's way of parenting. Simple and clear. In that very moment all my guilt was gone. I didn't have to question everything I did. I didn't have to wonder if the Doctor or this Psychologist was right or "oh no what if the other guy was right an now Jarom is going to have post traumatic stress from this." I'm being totally serious here. It was so hard to be consistent in my discipline because so many people had so many different opinions. But now I felt free and confident.
Now I feel free and confident. I don't know everything and by golly man do I not have all the skills I want but what I do have is the tools. I don't have to piece through books and anguish through trying to figure out what is right for me and for each of my children. I don't have to guess or work really hard studying big long-term professional studies only to find out that after all that effort those professionals were wrong. I have resources from thousands of years ago to present and yet to come parenting truths. I have parenting doctrine.
Don't worry I'm not keeping this all to myself. It is available to everyone. The best part about all of this is that the creator of these truths, these parenting doctrines is also willing to give us FREE 24 hour CONSTANT consultation. Also it applies to every child. He will help us know our individual children and teach us about who they were and who they are to be. He knows them and loves them. This discipline expert not only knows but He has experienced.
We can put aside all the worldy experts and put our time and energy into studying and receiving revelation through truths that have been given through the Lord's servants.
It is one of the best feelings in tho world to feel good about my parenting. I definitely still make mistakes and am figuring it out but so this doesn't bring immediate fixes or perfection but it brings confidence. It seems like every couple days or every day even that I have to reevaluate or find the next step but I know how to know. I feel good and there is NO GUILT.
So here are some resources:
Home and Family Site
The Family: A Proclamation to the World
Strengthening the Family (Manual)
A Parents Guide (Currently studying this one. LOVE IT)
Courageous Parenting (specifically for parenting teenagers)
Search Results-- https://www.lds.org/search?lang=eng&query=parenting
Alma 42
And guess what! Next weekend there will be brand new fresh parenting truths! General Conference. GC 2015 Look for it. Prayer for it. Make time for it. He will reveal to us what we need. Do we trust him? He has trusted us with the parenting of His most precious souls.
I love being a mom. It is so hard. So all consuming. But, it just got a little easier and with the hope and confidence of letting go of the world and putting my efforts to the Lord, it is truly helping me become Kina.
With that said, let's talk parenting. How many parenting posts did you see today? So I am kinda weird and as a teenager it was a hobby of mine to read "parenting books." I loved Love and Logic. As I got older I continued to dig into all the methods of discipline and child rearing but things started to change when I had my first precious little baby. I remember reading a book that someone suggested to me to help infants get on to a good pattern or schedule. The first half of the book told me everything I was doing wrong. The more I read the more horrible I felt. I thought I was a great mom but now I thought I was destroying my child. Of course the second half of the book told you how to do everything right and makes you feel a little better. Well It seems that just about every book after that did the same thing. Worse yet most books didn't agree on which things were ruining your child and which ones were creating great human beings. Man it has been confusing trying to figure out which one is right and which one is right for each kid. So many conflicting ideas and even studies!
Well a few months back, in extreme emotion I quit. I decided I was never reading another parenting book. I was on my own and I was starting from scratch, erasing it all from my mind. I knew I wasn't completely alone. I have David and I have the greatest source of knowledge and the only perfect parent at my side, our Father in Heaven.
It was just a few days later that I had a sacred experience. In that experience I received revelation on the Lord's way of parenting. Simple and clear. In that very moment all my guilt was gone. I didn't have to question everything I did. I didn't have to wonder if the Doctor or this Psychologist was right or "oh no what if the other guy was right an now Jarom is going to have post traumatic stress from this." I'm being totally serious here. It was so hard to be consistent in my discipline because so many people had so many different opinions. But now I felt free and confident.
Now I feel free and confident. I don't know everything and by golly man do I not have all the skills I want but what I do have is the tools. I don't have to piece through books and anguish through trying to figure out what is right for me and for each of my children. I don't have to guess or work really hard studying big long-term professional studies only to find out that after all that effort those professionals were wrong. I have resources from thousands of years ago to present and yet to come parenting truths. I have parenting doctrine.
Don't worry I'm not keeping this all to myself. It is available to everyone. The best part about all of this is that the creator of these truths, these parenting doctrines is also willing to give us FREE 24 hour CONSTANT consultation. Also it applies to every child. He will help us know our individual children and teach us about who they were and who they are to be. He knows them and loves them. This discipline expert not only knows but He has experienced.
We can put aside all the worldy experts and put our time and energy into studying and receiving revelation through truths that have been given through the Lord's servants.
It is one of the best feelings in tho world to feel good about my parenting. I definitely still make mistakes and am figuring it out but so this doesn't bring immediate fixes or perfection but it brings confidence. It seems like every couple days or every day even that I have to reevaluate or find the next step but I know how to know. I feel good and there is NO GUILT.
So here are some resources:
Home and Family Site
The Family: A Proclamation to the World
Strengthening the Family (Manual)
A Parents Guide (Currently studying this one. LOVE IT)
Courageous Parenting (specifically for parenting teenagers)
Search Results-- https://www.lds.org/search?lang=eng&query=parenting
Alma 42
And guess what! Next weekend there will be brand new fresh parenting truths! General Conference. GC 2015 Look for it. Prayer for it. Make time for it. He will reveal to us what we need. Do we trust him? He has trusted us with the parenting of His most precious souls.
I love being a mom. It is so hard. So all consuming. But, it just got a little easier and with the hope and confidence of letting go of the world and putting my efforts to the Lord, it is truly helping me become Kina.
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