Within this past year I've come to understand that I can't become Kina without him. I am learning from him everyday. This topic goes beyond what I can express in words but I'll share a few things.
He tells me I'm beautiful. He tells me I'm beautiful when I wake up in the morning and my hair is every which way. He tells me when I've just finished miserable morning sickness comings in the bathroom. He tells me I'm beautiful when I've gained 25 pounds and my belly button pokes out. He tells me when I'm curled up on the couch embarrassed because I've just put off some smelliness. He tells me when I get home and instantly put on the comfy clothes. He tells me I'm beautiful when I'm doing all I can to hold back tears because of the difficulties and uncomfort of pregnancy. He tells me I'm beautiful every day, but he doesn't just tell me, he makes sure I know that he truly believes I'm beautiful. --- I'm learning to truly love and see beauty.
My husband is a wonderful man that teaches me to be me. To laugh when times are hard, to break out in rap in the middle of the night, to randomly put my face in the snow, to rush to the need of a neighbor, to give away possessions when someone else is in greater need, to speak up and stop unkind words... to be more like my Savior.
Without him I could become great, but without him I could not become Kina.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
10 more weeks... wow
Ok so as of today there are 10 more weeks till my due date. I didn't even know that until I just counted, I guess I have been thinking about how far along I am not how much is left. I think I will officially start counting that. I like it... 10 more weeks. A girl who was waiting for her missionary to come home, onve told me that the best way to count is in Fast Sundays... 3 more Fast Sundays. Oh yeah I like that!
Another thought on becoming Kina: So yesterday I was sitting on campus after my class waiting with David (my husband) for his class. He was working on the computer and well I was daydreaming about the vending machines down stairs. I was thinking about the muffins. I wanted a muffin and well frankly I believed that I deserved a muffin. --But than I started to remember how we looked at our budget the night before and well to say the least we needed to watch it till we get back to WA and start work. -- but I'm 7 months pregnant and I haven't eaten in like two hours-- but you don't really even feel hungry you just want a muffin-- come on it's only a dollar, do i seriously have to be that penny pinched that I can't even get a muffin when I want one-- well it's good self control practice-- ok ok you get the point, this now most hilarious battle between my own self was going on and frankly I had no idea what to do. Do I give in and buy a muffin or do I use self control cause I don't really need it, but its ok to have wants right. So then I turned to David and rehearsed the above thought conversation. He immediately laughed and told me to go get a muffin. Well so I still wasn't sure but I ended up deciding I would go down to the vending machine take a look at the muffins, and then decide. Well there weren't any muffins! =)
I'm not exactly sure what I learned here but it started me on the path of figuring out these simple desires or wants. I was sent here to enjoy life. Does that mean giving into every little want I have, I don't think so. I do think though that it's ok to have a muffin, even if our budget is tight. The key thing is though, do I have the self mastery to say I'm gonna continue on with out that muffin and my day is going to be great, and then forget about it.
Another thought on becoming Kina: So yesterday I was sitting on campus after my class waiting with David (my husband) for his class. He was working on the computer and well I was daydreaming about the vending machines down stairs. I was thinking about the muffins. I wanted a muffin and well frankly I believed that I deserved a muffin. --But than I started to remember how we looked at our budget the night before and well to say the least we needed to watch it till we get back to WA and start work. -- but I'm 7 months pregnant and I haven't eaten in like two hours-- but you don't really even feel hungry you just want a muffin-- come on it's only a dollar, do i seriously have to be that penny pinched that I can't even get a muffin when I want one-- well it's good self control practice-- ok ok you get the point, this now most hilarious battle between my own self was going on and frankly I had no idea what to do. Do I give in and buy a muffin or do I use self control cause I don't really need it, but its ok to have wants right. So then I turned to David and rehearsed the above thought conversation. He immediately laughed and told me to go get a muffin. Well so I still wasn't sure but I ended up deciding I would go down to the vending machine take a look at the muffins, and then decide. Well there weren't any muffins! =)
I'm not exactly sure what I learned here but it started me on the path of figuring out these simple desires or wants. I was sent here to enjoy life. Does that mean giving into every little want I have, I don't think so. I do think though that it's ok to have a muffin, even if our budget is tight. The key thing is though, do I have the self mastery to say I'm gonna continue on with out that muffin and my day is going to be great, and then forget about it.
(just to clarify, I'm talking about harmless little wants)
We have lots of wants, don't restrain yourself from all of them but don't let them become defining factors in your attitude. just a little thought
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