The Return

I have this friend who has really inspired me in a lot of things and one of them is to get back into blogging. I'm not a hundred percent convinced but I remember how it made me feel each time I wrote before. I loved reflecting on life's situations and how I was handling it and if I was becoming the Kina I was created to be.

So here it goes.

The thought of my creation has been on my mind lately. I am no longer a mom of just one but two and it is challenging. Sometimes it feels like more than I can bare with all the other things life brings. I enjoy it but there are moments when I think shouldn't I just get a moment to myself. When do I get to do what I want to do. And then you feel guilty for those thoughts and then you get frustrated. I never feel happy in those moments, not like the moments when I am down on the floor making dinosaurs chase each other, or running around chasing my boys with "great big stomping dinosaur feet," or helping them create.  So a couple weeks ago, probably after a hard day, I was praying. I don't remember what I said to my Father but I remember what he said to me. He reminded what I was created for. He reminded me that all my life I have been waiting for this time. I even played and pretended this time because it was a hope and a dream. Being a wife and a  mom is all I ever wanted and exactly what my Heavenly Father intended me to be. It was in my design. When I felt his words it struck with so much power and understanding that I was anxious to get up and get going again.

Being a mom and a wife is a 100% thing. It's selfless. But it is also so rewarding. Having this understanding there isn't such a selfish craving for "me time." When the opportunity comes for "me time" I can take it happily with no guilt, knowing that my family has received my best.


I still have my moments but as I reflect on those thoughts it feels my soul with a love for what I am doing and what I am becoming. I have the greatest career in the world and I can love it or I can go through the motions and live through it till retirement.

I love my husband and children with all my soul and I know that as I let Heavenly Father helps me fulfill my potential I can enjoy each day.

"look at that LITTLE belly," "I didn't even know you were preganant," "you're getting so big,"... so many phrases but you never seem to use the right one..

I was thinking the other day, as I was looking down at my expanding tummy, that I feel bad for everyone that comes in contact with a pregnant women and the topic of her stomach or looks come up. There are all these stories and stereotypes about the emotional or sensitive woman who gets her feelings hurt because someone said the wrong thing to her. So I decided that I'll help all those out that read this and run into me. I cannot fix the issue for every woman you run into because every woman is different.

You see some women don't ever want to look pregnant but as for me as soon as I start feeling pregnant I want something to show for it. Right now I am at the stage where it is definitely obvious (to me at least) that my stomach is bigger than it used to be. So feel free to mention my little tummy! As time goes on though I may still look little but I won't be feeling little so as for me I do not like my tummy to be referred to as little.

But how are you supposed to know when I switch to being ok with a small tummy to not being ok with it? And what woman goes around letting you know what they want to hear? I really just think that this is a forever egg shell situation. But I'm putting it out there that us pregnant women should just let people know! And for everyone that is about to say something to a pregnant woman... ask them how they feel... though ya know that could be a dangerous thing too... I think it would be ok... use this blog post as a conversation piece. Every woman is different but I think I'm safe to say that most women like to talk about how they feel.

Just some thoughts.

bumps and bruises

This is a whole new adventure. Jarom has become our little adveturer and explorer and of course taste tester. Among all his adventures and explorations, he has to make many stops along the way to taste all the interesting artifacts.
The hardest part about this stage is knowing what I'm supposed to do. Of course the smiling and laughing comes natural but what about when I see him holding onto the edge of the couch reaching for the next object to help him stand? With my mommy eyes I can see that it is just a little too far out of reach where the likely outcome will be a faceplant right in front of it. Do I let him reach? Do I let him fall?
This morning my little man was off on one of his adventures exploring how his carseat works if he climbs in it all by himself. He went tumbling over. Cries came and then were calmed in the comfort of mommy. With this experience I started to think more about my role as a mom. These thoughts turned me to the examples of the greatest parents of all, our heavenly parents.
It's hard to watch Jarom fall and I worry that he will get bumps and bruises but I've had a few of those and they've gone away. The Lord lets us fail sometimes so we can feel the joy and happiness of success. I love watching Jarom stand, reach, stop, analyze, and start all over again and then he steps forward and stands in his destination place. Such great joy and excitement runs through me to see him grow and achieve. I think those feelings are the very same that the Father has for us. He doesn't enjoy the pain of our bumps and bruises but He cannot stop the trials that bring them because He understands that they are essential for our learning and our growth. But what he can do is comfort us. He has sent His son to run to us in everytime of need. There is not a pain he cannot ease nor a bruise he cannot fade. If we will but be like little children and reach up to those arms that are there for our comfort there is not an adventure or exploration that we cannot succeed in.
I know that these arms are here for me in this adventure of mine to let Jarom learn, to explore, and sometimes fail. As I will be there to comfort him so will my Father and Savior be there to comfort me.

I'm Back

Well sincw I last wrote I had a large tummy, aches and pains, anxiousness, curiosity, a little bit of fear and no baby. Now I have an eight month old handsome baby boy and those are things in slightly different forms.

My son's name is Jarom Kalayo Delimont. Jarom come from a writer and disciple in the Book of Mormon, Kalayo means "fire" in Illongo, a filipino language from my husband's (David's) mission. He was born on February 11 weighing 8lbs 4oz with a full head of hair.

There are a lot of things about myself that I have learned and am still discovering. One thing, I thought I was pretty patient, but with those late night long cries i quickly discovered it was an attribute that needed improving. I guess the patience gained from the self inflicted patience practice of going exactly the speed limit no matter what for a few weeks only lasted for a while.

It has been a blast though and I truly believe that families is where we get closest to becoming our divine selves. Jarom and David intertwined with the gospel are my greatest joys here on this earth. I have been truly blessed

Husband.

Within this past year I've come to understand that I can't become Kina without him. I am learning from him everyday. This topic goes beyond what I can express in words but I'll share a few things.

He tells me I'm beautiful. He tells me I'm beautiful when I wake up in the morning and my hair is every which way. He tells me when I've just finished miserable morning sickness comings in the bathroom. He tells me I'm beautiful when I've gained 25 pounds and my belly button pokes out. He tells me when I'm curled up on the couch embarrassed because I've just put off some smelliness. He tells me when I get home and instantly put on the comfy clothes. He tells me I'm beautiful when I'm doing all I can to hold back tears because of the difficulties and uncomfort of pregnancy. He tells me I'm beautiful every day, but he doesn't just tell me, he makes sure I know that he truly believes I'm beautiful. --- I'm learning to truly love and see beauty.

My husband is a wonderful man that teaches me to be me. To laugh when times are hard, to break out in rap in the middle of the night, to randomly put my face in the snow, to rush to the need of a neighbor, to give away possessions when someone else is in greater need, to speak up and stop unkind words... to be more like my Savior.

Without him I could become great, but without him I could not become Kina.

10 more weeks... wow

Ok so as of today there are 10 more weeks till my due date. I didn't even know that until I just counted, I guess I have been thinking about how far along I am not how much is left. I think I will officially start counting that. I like it... 10 more weeks. A girl who was waiting for her missionary to come home, onve told me that the best way to count is in Fast Sundays... 3 more Fast Sundays. Oh yeah I like that!

Another thought on becoming Kina: So yesterday I was sitting on campus after my class waiting with David (my husband) for his class. He was working on the computer and well I was daydreaming about the vending machines down stairs. I was thinking about the muffins. I wanted a muffin and well frankly I believed that I deserved a muffin. --But than I started to remember how we looked at our budget the night before and well to say the least we needed to watch it till we get back to WA and start work. -- but I'm 7 months pregnant and I haven't eaten in like two hours-- but you don't really even feel hungry you just want a muffin-- come on it's only a dollar, do i seriously have to be that penny pinched that I can't even get a muffin when I want one-- well it's good self control practice-- ok ok you get the point, this now most hilarious battle between my own self was going on and frankly I had no idea what to do. Do I give in and buy a muffin or do I use self control cause I don't really need it, but its ok to have wants right. So then I turned to David and rehearsed the above thought conversation. He immediately laughed and told me to go get a muffin. Well so I still wasn't sure but I ended up deciding I would go down to the vending machine take a look at the muffins, and then decide. Well there weren't any muffins! =)
I'm not exactly sure what I learned here but it started me on the path of figuring out these simple desires or wants. I was sent here to enjoy life. Does that mean giving into every little want I have, I don't think so. I do think though that it's ok to have a muffin, even if our budget is tight. The key thing is though, do I have the self mastery to say I'm gonna continue on with out that muffin and my day is going to be great, and then forget about it.

(just to clarify, I'm talking about harmless little wants)

We have lots of wants, don't restrain yourself from all of them but don't let them become defining factors in your attitude. just a little thought